If you are new, the Start Here page is the best place to get oriented. It explains the Trail Markers and the larger journey behind this work.
We were in Myrtle Beach, on a trip to look at houses and maybe make an offer. We’d sold ours, but closing was still months away. I got the call while we were there: after 25 years at Cigna, I was being laid off.
I didn’t fall apart. I didn’t panic. I just stood there, trying to make sense of what this meant—for my family, my identity, and the life I thought I was building.
Looking back, I wish I’d done some things differently. I’m proud of a few choices, regret others, and learned more than I ever expected. This is my attempt to capture it all—honestly, without polish.
What I Wish I’d Done Right Away
- Shrunk my life radically. Downsized fast. Before the numbers forced it.
- Gotten a part-time job. Not just for income, but for rhythm and pride.
- Started a side hustle. Even messy experiments would’ve built momentum and taught me something.
- Explored new hobbies. Some might’ve turned into income, healing, or both.
- Rejoined a church or club. Isolation lied to me. Community would’ve grounded me.
- Found others in transition—locally. I needed real faces, not just online advice.
- Asked for help. I did network and got help looking for work, but there’s a fine line between asking and needing. I don’t think I let people know how badly I was drowning.
What I Wish I Hadn’t Done
- Tried to shield my daughter by pretending nothing had changed. She’s resilient. She needed truth more than illusion. Delaying the hard conversations made them harder later.
- Kept up with the Joneses. Burned through my nest egg trying to maintain appearances. Turns out, the Joneses weren’t my scoreboard. They weren’t even watching.
- Isolated myself. I’m notoriously insular and protect myself by putting up a mask—with my mom, my sister, my adult kids, friends, and coworkers. Truth is, I was embarrassed and proud. I withdrew over time and stopped doing the things that had been helping—or would have helped.
What I’m Glad I Did
- Moved closer to town. The payment was higher, but the lifestyle fit better. We paid down debt, bought new furniture, and landed five miles from my new job—not 23. We’re happier here.
- Fished a lot. Cheap therapy. Quiet clarity.
- Had honest financial talks with Elizabeth. Eventually. They mattered.
- Taught my daughter about money. Not just how to spend it, but how to respect it. Still undoing some of the damage of hiding the issues, but we’re getting there.
What I Learned
That season stripped away things I thought I needed. It revealed what I actually value. I wrestled with pride, scarcity, and reinvention. But I found my voice. I started to build something new. I began turning this into legacy.
I wasn’t broken. I was becoming something I was meant to be.
